building a village in your thirties
Because we KNOW you can do it by yourself, but you shouldn't have to.
In this edition of YWH :
Life updates - April 2024
Book review on “Sister Outsider” by Audre Lorde
Journal prompt on healing the friendship wound
Life Lately : April 2024
The last time we talked, I was telling you that I was building my “chosen family”. Welp, the results are in on finding community through dating/friendship apps! I have met so many incredible people who have truly welcomed and embraced me with open arms in this season of life. In addition to meeting new friends on the internets, I have also been attending local community co-working spaces, bookstores, and affinity group hangs like Black Girls Like Coffee Shops. I did not think I would be able to plug myself into community being a 30+ new(ish)mom. Even though I know from my experience as a doula that it takes a village to raise a child AND their parents. From my point of view it seemed like everyone had already been adopted into their friend groups and locked in for years with no potential openings for new friends. It can be intimidating trying to get in where you fit in, especially when you’ve had really bad friendship breakups in the past.
As I enter into my 34th year of life, I am looking forward to co-creating my life with other like minded people. I have a renewed sense of joy and hope for myself after years of intentional solitude after leaving a toxic church environment. I went to a birthday dinner celebration for my friend Ina’s birthday, and ended up crying in a room full of strangers! They all affirmed me, fed me, and shared their art with me. I met up with another new friend where we chatted over coffee and then explored the infamous Pilsen Community Books where I acquired, “Fresh Banana Leaves Healing Indigenous Landscapes Through Indigenous Science”.
April was a sweet goodbye to my early 30’s. I have begun to radically accept and love myself for who I am right now. I have decided to say thank you to all the negative experiences I’ve had with community and apply the lessons on how to be interdependent within my relationship in order to practice good emotional hygiene. I am looking forward to what this next rotation around the sun will bring and I can’t wait to bring you along with me.
xoxo,
-Ymani
Book Review : Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde
As I return to deeply root myself in this writing practice, I thought it was a good idea to return to the Black Women authors who have inspired me over the years. One voice I was not familiar with was Audre Lorde. I have heard of Audre’s work in passing and in conversation, but never in my hands to read. Sister Outsider was a journey for me where I really felt immersed in the author’s convictions, life lessons, and righteous anger. My two favorite essays where “Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic As Power.” and “Eye to Eye”.
This book is a must have in your library if you’re looking to understand the complexities of Black Queer womanhood in America. “Eye to Eye” was a standout essay for me as it highlighted the internalized biases, judgment, and yearning Black women have when we try to connect with each other. It is an essay that I can see myself reading at least once a year to keep myself inspired and in check while I am intentionally building community with other people of color (especially in the ways that I interact, engage, and love other Black women folks).
Journal Prompt : Healing the Friendship Wound
We are simply not made to move through this life alone. A lot of us have learned to be hyper independent out of our relationship trauma, and I want to challenge you to not give up as you search for new connections. It’s okay to take time to yourself to heal, learn more about you, and enjoy solitude. However, our quality of life improves when we have other people who genuinely love, care, and show up for us when we need them.
Prompt : Take some time to journal about the connections in your life. Are you being fulfilled in your relationships or depleted? Maybe you’ve experienced friendship break-ups and you are not as trusting as you use to be. Write about the lessons you’ve learned along the way, not to judge yourself for not seeing the signs but as a guiding light to the love you want to bring into your life.
I would love to hear your responses in the comments:
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Sending you so much love for the week ahead. I would love to stay connected with you. Follow me on Instagram @ymaniwashere and let’s keep the healing flowing!
xoxo,
Ymani
Umm, this coffee meetup sounds AMAZING!!
Love this and you! And happy belated birthday🎈🎉I got in on the next coffee meet up😘