Ymani Was Here: Who am I?
A year of radical self-discovery and identity.
What do you say to your therapist when she asks you to define yourself outside of the service of people? You dodge the question, duh. Unfortunately for me, my therapist is really good at her job. She had the audacity to gentle parent me right back to the thing I needed to confront the most…myself. Who am I after dedicating the vast majority of my life to taking care of everyone else but me? My identity has been rooted in service my whole life and now you want me to find another version that’s not a chronic people pleaser?
My experience as the oldest daughter in a Black household was predicated on learning to shoulder heavy responsibility at a very young age. This phenomenon is called “parentification” (…and FYI I learned that term this week in therapy thank you very much!) It becomes our duty to take care of our siblings and eventually take care of our parents as they get older. We have to be the most successful, emotionally regulated, and submissive to the “call” of the family problem solver at all times. What I’ve come to discover is that my chronic exhaustion is not just because I am a new mom, but because I have been taught that I don’t get to have boundaries when other people need me. Everyone’s emergency is my immediate problem, and my issues just have to wait until I have a micro second after working all day to stuff them back into the crevices of my subconscious.
Obviously this has lead to my health being effected in all of the ways, but this year I am shifting into a new and radical direction. I find myself presenting the idea of radical self-care to my daughter when she’s brushing her teeth, saying no to hugs from relatives, or laying down for a nap. I say things like , “Indigo, we have to take care of ourselves, it’s very important to rest.” or “Indigo, we have to stay moisturized by putting on our lotion, that’s how we take care of our selves.” without even realizing that these small suggestions are the ways that we break “generational” self-negligence. In true parenting fashion though, I know that I have to practice what I preach as a mom and doula. My 2024 challenge is putting myself first. I have been slowly engaging with the works of authors like Audre Lorde and Tricia Hersey of the Nap Ministry who preach a framework of rest for the marginalized to reclaim their autonomy, power, and pleasure. I also really enjoy engaging with
’s content surrounding deconstruction and decolonization to help me continue building this new foundation of freedom from the ground up.So who are we when we are fully rested? Who are we when we have the freedom to play? Who are we when live in a pleasurable state within a community who makes space for us to explore the unknown sources of joy within ourselves and others? I’m not sure yet, but I know that this year I finally get to give myself the really cool gift of permission to find out.
Indigo’s Great Adventures
Oh the places you will go!
If you know me, you know I love taking Indigo on different adventures to help satisfy her growing curiosity. This month we took a trip to the National Museum of Mexican Art and even though she stayed in her stroller, I think she enjoyed looking at the stunning installations that are currently on display. If you’re looking for an hour long activity for your kids I think this is the perfect afternoon trip. It’s FREE, near a bunch of authentic Mexican restaurants, and located in the historic Pilsen neighborhood. If you decide to visit, please check out the “Salvador Jiménez-Flores: eagle, serpiente, nopalli.” exhibit, I really connected with the work of this artist and I think you will too.
Who are the people in your neighborhood?
Local Community Leaders, Hero’s, and Do-Gooders you should know!
Shaquan Dupart
Shaquan is a mama of two, Registered Nurse birth-worker, Student Nurse Midwife, and founder of Chicago Black Doula Allliance. She understands the importance of community and works very hard to create safe spaces in her personal and professional endeavors. Shaquan always knew that she wanted to do something super impactful in her community but had no idea what that was going to look like, until she happened upon the work of doulas. This opened her up to a completely different world, a place where families had options. She learned a plethora of information that she was not privy to during the birth of her own child, and so her journey began…
Chicago Black Doula Alliance is a community of doulas of color where they come together to celebrate and support one other and their community at large.
In her free time Shaquan enjoys traveling with her family. She is currently manifesting a lifestyle of world schooling for her and her two little people.
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